So what exactly are boundaries, you ask? Webster defines boundaries as: something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent. A physical example of this would be fences on a ranch; when desiring to keep your horses safe, you build fences to show the limit or extent of to where the horses can wander. When dealing with people, a boundary could be as simple as “No talking to Mom while she’s on the phone” or “You’re only allowed an hour of computer time a day.” These boundaries show individuals where the limit is.

So, parents, does setting boundaries always mean saying “no” to your teen’s desires? Absolutely not. Just like a door that opens and closes boundaries include saying “yes” and saying “no.”  In giving your teen an appropriate level of freedom and independence, you are paving the way for them to experience life – and life isn’t always perfect. Thus, your teen will experience both success and failure. They may choose to speed but the natural life consequence is getting a speeding ticket. So, your boundaries are allowing them to live and learn. However, if your teen seriously breaches trust, a one-way only door may be necessary. In this case, know that those doors can always later be replaced with two-way hinges.

Be willing to change things up. Sure, it made sense that curfew was 9 PM when your child was just starting middle school but, as a senior, an 11 PM curfew might be okay. Make this work for your family in whatever way you need it to; as they change, perhaps you should too.

What about that hot topic of the opposite gender? Despite possibly feeling awkward and uncomfortable, this is a greatly important topic to discuss with your teens. They’re going to hear it – wouldn’t you rather it comes from you? The media and shows like “Teen Mom” and “The Bachelor” portray a slanted view of romance. Discuss the ups and downs of relationships with your teen, support them when they feel rejected and rejoice when they find a healthy match. Talk about sex before marriage and the many risks. Encourage them to set boundaries in their dating relationships and don’t be afraid to ask questions. They may temporarily hate you for it, but they’ll thank you in the long run.

And how about you, parent? We all need to set boundaries in our lives for sanity, health, and modeling purposes. If your teens don’t see appropriate boundary-setting from you, where else will they receive it? For married parents, work together as a team. Know the boundaries you are setting with your kids and stick to it. For separated parents, set your own boundaries and rules and, whether they differ from the other parent’s rules or not, follow through. Your teens need this stability from you. And so do you.

So, go on! Decide what matters to you and set a boundary. Explain it to your teen and always follow through. Cheer on, encourage, and challenge your child. Keep in mind that their future of being a healthy, mature, and independent adult partially has to do with your ability to set those boundaries. Boundaries aren’t meant to “cage” and “restrict” your teen after all; they’re actually meant to set them free.

By: Dara Miller

Information pulled from:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/teens/your_teen_needs_you/real_boundaries_for_teens.aspx by Tiffany Stuart



Bully Awareness Flyer

This is a guest post by Sue Scheff, an Author and Parent Advocate. She founded and created Parents’ Universal Resource Expert (P.U.R.E.) in 2001 and for a decade has been helping families with at-risk teens. In 2008, Health Communications, Inc (HCI) published her first book, Wit’s End! A Parent’s True Story, Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen.

Drug use (substance abuse) is a serious cry for help, and making your teen feel ashamed or embarrassed can make the problem worse. Some common behavior changes you may notice if your teenager is abusing drugs and alcohol are:

• Violent outbursts, rage, disrespectful behavior
• Poor or dropping grades
• Unexplained weight loss or gain
• Skin abrasions, track marks
• Missing curfew, running away, truancy
• Bloodshot eyes, distinct “skunky” odor on clothing and skin
• Missing jewelry money
• New friends
• Depression, apathy, withdrawal
• Reckless behavior



Respond to your child in love, even when they are wrong, and have done something to make you or others angry.  This means remaining calm, keeping loving eyes, and not raising your voice.  The same message can be given with a quiet and calm spirit, and will make more of an impact on your child than screaming at him/her.

Respond maturely remembering that you are role modeling to your child how to respond to life's situations.  Learn to express your emotions appropriately, and use G-rated language.

Use appropriate humor (not sarcasm) and learn to diffuse power struggles and tantrums with creative playfulness and humor.  Being firm doesn't mean being a drill sergeant.

Learn how to be a good listener to your child as this will encourage your child to trust you and be more likely to share the truth.

Show your child respect remembering that your child is learning how to treat other human beings by how he/she is being treated by the significant people in his/her life.  Respect includes showing consideration for your child in how you speak to him/her, how you prioritize your child's needs, and how much you value who they are and what they do.

Care about the things that your child cares about.  Show interest in your child's interests (redirect those interests if not appropriate, but do so kindly and respectfully).

Set appropriate boundaries without setting walls.  Boundaries are healthy and necessary.  This means you are the adult and they are the child.  Not all conversations are child friendly.

Have realistic and age appropriate expectations of your child.  This can be done by learning about your child's developmental stages.

Teach your child to accept responsibility for his/her actions.  Use natural and logical consequences, not to punish your child, but for the purpose of teaching your child.

Praise your child often, offer it authentically and realistically.   Be a coach, not a cheerleader.

Children need large quantities of quality time.  Say "I love you" often.



John Rosemond, parenting expert and author, will be speaking to parents on "Parenting with Love and Leadership” . Children depend on parents for the two L-words of Love and Leadership. In today's parenting culture, Love is often weakened by well-intentioned enabling, and Leadership is weakened by the equally well-intentioned attempt to be "popular" with one's children. In this entertaining and thought-provoking talk, John tells parents how to deliver these two essential parenting ingredients in ways that strengthen children emotionally and help them grow into responsible, compassionate citizens.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011, 7:30pm
Perimeter Church, Main Auditorium
9500 Medlock Bridge Road/141, Johns Creek, GA  30097
(at the corner of Old Alabama and Medlock Bridge Road)

Interestingly enough, as thousands of people in my audiences around America will testify, when I ask them a question which challenges them to finish the sentence, “The most-often heard phrase around a household uttered by our children is…”  – and I open the sentence by saying “I am…” -the audience, in unison, finishes with the word “bored.”  In addition, according to Psychology Today, the typical 20-year-old American is ten times as likely to be depressed as is his father and 20 times as likely to be depressed as is his grandfather. 

The message is clear.  There’s a substantial difference between pleasure and happiness.  Other people can give us pleasure.  Most of us would agree that all the events I described above – movies, dating, athletic events, music, etc. – are pleasurable.  However, neither you nor your children will be happy until you do things for other people.  You can’t be “entertained” into happiness and pleasure alone ultimately produces boredom and low self-esteem.  A Gallup Poll several years ago revealed that over 90% of seniors in high school wished their parents and teachers loved them enough to discipline them more and require and expect more from them.

We need to teach our children to “be” and “do,” and I’m not talking about “be entertained.”  I’m talking about “be responsible,” and active in the pursuit of some worthwhile objectives. -- Zig Ziglar

Read more about it here!