Bully Awareness Seminar for Parents and Children

Parents and their children, kindergarten through fifth grade, are invited to attend a bully awareness seminar on February 12, 2012 in Lawrenceville.  Click on the link below to see the flyer for more details.

Bully Awareness Flyer

Teen Substance Abuse

Ask the Experts: How Can We Help Parents Prevent Teenage Substance Abuse (Part 1)

This is a guest post by Sue Scheff, an Author and Parent Advocate. She founded and created Parents’ Universal Resource Expert (P.U.R.E.) in 2001 and for a decade has been helping families with at-risk teens. In 2008, Health Communications, Inc (HCI) published her first book, Wit’s End! A Parent’s True Story, Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen.

Drug use (substance abuse) is a serious cry for help, and making your teen feel ashamed or embarrassed can make the problem worse. Some common behavior changes you may notice if your teenager is abusing drugs and alcohol are:

• Violent outbursts, rage, disrespectful behavior
• Poor or dropping grades
• Unexplained weight loss or gain
• Skin abrasions, track marks
• Missing curfew, running away, truancy
• Bloodshot eyes, distinct “skunky” odor on clothing and skin
• Missing jewelry money
• New friends
• Depression, apathy, withdrawal
• Reckless behavior



Basic Principles for Successful Parenting

Studies have shown that a parent's relationship with their child is the best predictor of their child's behavior.  Shifting your focus from the problems to the relationship ensures long term success.

Respond to your child in love, even when they are wrong, and have done something to make you or others angry.  This means remaining calm, keeping loving eyes, and not raising your voice.  The same message can be given with a quiet and calm spirit, and will make more of an impact on your child than screaming at him/her.

Respond maturely remembering that you are role modeling to your child how to respond to life's situations.  Learn to express your emotions appropriately, and use G-rated language.

Use appropriate humor (not sarcasm) and learn to diffuse power struggles and tantrums with creative playfulness and humor.  Being firm doesn't mean being a drill sergeant.

Learn how to be a good listener to your child as this will encourage your child to trust you and be more likely to share the truth.

Show your child respect remembering that your child is learning how to treat other human beings by how he/she is being treated by the significant people in his/her life.  Respect includes showing consideration for your child in how you speak to him/her, how you prioritize your child's needs, and how much you value who they are and what they do.

Care about the things that your child cares about.  Show interest in your child's interests (redirect those interests if not appropriate, but do so kindly and respectfully).

Set appropriate boundaries without setting walls.  Boundaries are healthy and necessary.  This means you are the adult and they are the child.  Not all conversations are child friendly.

Have realistic and age appropriate expectations of your child.  This can be done by learning about your child's developmental stages.

Teach your child to accept responsibility for his/her actions.  Use natural and logical consequences, not to punish your child, but for the purpose of teaching your child.

Praise your child often, offer it authentically and realistically.   Be a coach, not a cheerleader.

Children need large quantities of quality time.  Say "I love you" often.

Childhood Bullying Leaves Adult Scars

The Wounded Spirit

by Tom Neven

When it comes to bullying, many adults carry some kind of psychological hurt from their childhood years.

Bullying. It's a childhood rite of passage. Just ignore it. You'll get over it.

Except most likely you won't. Frank Peretti knows this firsthand. He's one of the many walking wounded who suffered at the hands of classmates — and sometimes teachers. His is a wounded spirit, and he believes a large number of adults carry some kind of psychological hurt from their childhood years. And the cycle continues. A recent study published by the Journal of the American Medical Association found that nearly a third of children in sixth through 10th grades had either bullied or been bullied.

Read more here:  http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/schooling/bullying/the_wounded_spirit.aspx



Building Friendships with Your Kids

 Desde su nacimiento, el niño aprende de los may­ores que tiene a su alrede­dor e inter­ac­túa con ellos. Estos le sir­ven de pro­tec­ción, le pro­por­cio­nan un ambi­ente de seguri­dad y en gen­eral, lo diri­gen en su apren­dizaje para enfrentar el mundo que lo rodea. Es un pro­ceso en el que se van inte­grando apren­diza­jes, muchos de ellos mod­e­la­dos por los seres que for­man la familia en la que crece el niño, esta famil­iari­dad hace que tien­dan a imitarlos.

 
Since birth, children learn by interacting with the adults around them. These adults are their protection, provide them a safe environment and in general give them direction in their learning years in order to relate to the world around them. This is a process that will integrate learning, many times modeled by those who are a part of the child’s family; this closeness makes it easy for children to imitate those around them.
 
These role models are in general, dad, mom, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and other family members. The children will copy their behaviors until they can develop their own identity. This is why it’s so important to be conscious of what we are showing them and why we should be their first role models, points of reference, help support them and earn their trust; these elements are crucial for their healthy development and the foundation of our relationship with the child.
 
This activity gradually becomes a powerful instrument of communication and encompasses a great amount of resources to build trust and as we relate with them, develop a relationship closer to a friendship. Playing is an important activity for every child; it encourages their social skills early on, enables social communication, and allows us to understand the complex mental structures a child begins to acquire, including the way they respond to complex issues. It also helps them prepare for adult life. As responsible adults, we, have the necessity of understanding the importance of this tool for the development of a healthy relationship with our kids.
 
Building friendship is a task that begins as soon as the gestation process begins, as soon as we know pregnancy has begun. Since very early, we can, through communication, talk, sing for them, laugh, jump, play and be conscious that our feelings are understood by them. We should understand their feelings, respect them, have patience, stimulate them; that way they will learn the value of the relationship and we can begin building what with time can become a friendship.
 
We have to be clear that is not the same to be a parent as to be a friend. We can be friends; however we cannot stop being parents. This is why we need to develop trust with authority, firmness, flexibility. Friendship requires equality, therefore, we need to be clear in the difference of being friends and being parents; we are equal in dignity, however not in hierarchy and responsibility. As parents we have a great responsibility which is to provide an environment in which our kids can grow with strong values that will serve them as strengths to advance in an adult world. We should cultivate and promote values such as the sense of solidarity, respect, humility, and the capacity of understanding and trusting; capacity to build homes where there is freedom to express feelings and love to give.

By Lic. Luz Marina Cortázar U.
Clinical Psychologist | Family Therapist

Renovacion Conyuga